Facing your demons

I have a friend who, like many people is having a dry January.  Well, a dry January and February. Unlike many people, my friend has PTSD and uses alcohol to self medicate.

So, I asked her what her strategy was for getting through that period was.

Reading, walking, crafting, cleaning was her response.

'And of course', I said, 'I'm going to support you in that and encourage your progress. But, what are you going to do when the night terrors come, or you can't sleep? Have you had a chat with your husband about how you're going to manage that? He's stopping because he's drinking too much, but it's different for you.'

She seemed certain that what she had put in place would work.  I wasn't sure that hoovering at 1am would endear her to her husband or the neighbours.  And walking at night can be, well, if not dangerous, then suspicious.  You don't want your neighbours to think you're a crazy lady going through their bins. (My neighbours already think I'm a bit crazy - I don't need them to think I'm going through their bins too).

So, this is what I suggested.

Get yourself a nice notebook and a good pen. You might want felt tips too. When you would have reached for the bottle, write down what you're feeling. Rather than drown your feelings, confront them.  Even if you just write 'FUCK!' in big letters or 'FUCK' as if you were writing lines at school, it's getting your feelings out.  Make fun of it - write it in bubble letters, or, if you're crafty decorate it. (Yes, mam, I wrote FUCK.  And yes, I do have a larger vocabulary than warrants that word, but sometimes you just have to use it.)

But also, don't just save it for the bad feelings.  Write down inspirational poems or words you see about you.  If you have a printer, print off memes and stick them in there. Decorate it, with colours you love.  Stick in pictures you love. Draw a picture of your best idea of you, now and in the future.  I'm sure you can think of loads of things.

And don't make it perfect.  It doesn't have to be, in fact I'd encourage you not to make it perfect. Rip a page out, screw it up, rip it into pieces, and then stick the pieces back together and the page back into the book.  You can use common or garden stick tape or be dramatic and use washi tape
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Cover of Succulent Wild Woman by Sark

Now, none of these ideas are new and I'm happy to admit it.

Sark is a real eccentric, but her words are really freeing.

Cover of Wreck this Journal by Keri Smith/

Keri Smith is where I got the idea for ripping things out and sticking them back in. There are other wonderfully mad (and I use that word with experience) ideas, like sticking two pages together for no reason, or sticking stickers you find on fruit in there.

Keri Smith also writes on creativity, which also works in this setting

The thing these books don't have is a place to express your feelings. Sark advises getting a note book and some 'juicy felt tips'. Keri suggests ways to express your feelings, but doesn't really give you space to do that in words.

Journaling isn't new, but I always found it boring, even though I love writing.  'Blah, blah, blah, my life is so bad. Gawd, I'm boring myself. I'm never going to read this again.  I'm never going to want to be this upset again.' And ultimately 'this is wank!' (Yes, mam, I also wrote WANK and I refer you to the annotation above).  Almost literally. This is different. I want you not to be perfect and write in little precise handwriting.  I want you to deface the book, take up a whole page, maybe upside down, to use a word that expresses what you feel RIGHT NOW. (Or whenever you can pop off to the shops to get that notebook.)

Now, I don't know if it's going to work, but my friend is excited about it.

So, off you go and buy yourself a nice notebook. As a self-confessed stationery addict, I can recommend Sainsbury's if you want something that looks like Moleskine, but aren't in a position to start ripping up Moleskine.  Or Wilkinson's, which always have a nice range. Even pound shops have some really satisfying stuff.